(Copied from an ancient, cobwebby, typewritten set of rules that an ancient, cobwebby, old sub gave me when I started work as a trainee journalist in nineteen canteen. Some of them still apply, though!)
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, in addition, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
The Guardian's excellent Mind Your Language blog and the links within it jogged my memory of these rules.
Friday 11 February 2011
Monday 7 February 2011
Is Twitter turning us all into stalkers?
I really like Twitter. It's a source of fun, debate, breaking news and general silliness. You can have conversations with like-minded people, join in with word games, and exchange banter with friends, strangers and even celebrities. Or, if you haven't anything to say, you can just sit quietly and enjoy the chat, until you have something to contribute.
Twitter also appeals to the voyeur in all of us. Legitimises it, even. With the click of a button, we get to peek inside the lives and personalities of our favourite celebs of stage, screen, sports field, political arena, etc. Of course, what we see is what the celebs are willing to show us - so that's ok (it's not like we're hacking their phones).
I must confess, I'm beside myself with excitement when a really famous person retweets something I've written or - beyond thrilling - actually addresses a Tweet to me personally! And yes, I sometimes send Tweets to famous people - but I don't expect a reply. It's just a bonus if I get one.
Yet I see so many Tweets from all sorts of people begging celebrities to follow them or to retweet their messages. When it dawns on them that the celeb is not going to cave in to their incessant 160-character haranguing, these desperate individuals resort to pitiful whingeing ("Why won't you just follow me? :-( ") Finally, they complain to the Twitter world in general about what a thoroughly unpleasant person the celeb is, how he/she doesn't respect the fans, etc, etc.
But just because you know what your favourite celeb had for dinner or where he's gone on holiday, it doesn't mean he's your friend. No, you are his FOLLOWER. And it strikes me that in some cases there's a very thin line between follower and STALKER.
Don't clog up our timelines with these "look at me, look at me" type of Tweets. If I was your celebrity victim, I'd block you.
Twitter also appeals to the voyeur in all of us. Legitimises it, even. With the click of a button, we get to peek inside the lives and personalities of our favourite celebs of stage, screen, sports field, political arena, etc. Of course, what we see is what the celebs are willing to show us - so that's ok (it's not like we're hacking their phones).
I must confess, I'm beside myself with excitement when a really famous person retweets something I've written or - beyond thrilling - actually addresses a Tweet to me personally! And yes, I sometimes send Tweets to famous people - but I don't expect a reply. It's just a bonus if I get one.
Yet I see so many Tweets from all sorts of people begging celebrities to follow them or to retweet their messages. When it dawns on them that the celeb is not going to cave in to their incessant 160-character haranguing, these desperate individuals resort to pitiful whingeing ("Why won't you just follow me? :-( ") Finally, they complain to the Twitter world in general about what a thoroughly unpleasant person the celeb is, how he/she doesn't respect the fans, etc, etc.
But just because you know what your favourite celeb had for dinner or where he's gone on holiday, it doesn't mean he's your friend. No, you are his FOLLOWER. And it strikes me that in some cases there's a very thin line between follower and STALKER.
Don't clog up our timelines with these "look at me, look at me" type of Tweets. If I was your celebrity victim, I'd block you.
Cheap flights? Don't make me laugh
Dear Auntie and Uncle,
I'm sorry we won't be coming to your Golden Wedding celebration in April. We did try to find flights from the south of England to anywhere in Scotland - and with three months to go we thought we might get flights at a reasonable price.
However, the cheapest available return flight on those dates was more expensive than a week's all-inclusive cruise in the Mediterranean. And it would have involved a stopover in Belfast and a three-hour stop in Manchester.
Lots of love,
Christine
I'm sorry we won't be coming to your Golden Wedding celebration in April. We did try to find flights from the south of England to anywhere in Scotland - and with three months to go we thought we might get flights at a reasonable price.
However, the cheapest available return flight on those dates was more expensive than a week's all-inclusive cruise in the Mediterranean. And it would have involved a stopover in Belfast and a three-hour stop in Manchester.
Lots of love,
Christine
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