Rant 1: Cats

Ladies of a certain age fall into two categories: 1) Those who develop a passion for cats; 2) Me.

What is wrong with the rest of you? You hit the big 'M' and realise there's something luxuriantly furry missing from your lap? Saint Joanna Lumley's even broadcasting her fascination with the creatures and "the 18-year relationship she had with her beloved feline companion" to the nation.

Cat lovers relish the fact that cats can't actually be "owned". So why own one? And, more to the point, why do you let the damn thing out of the house to roam the streets all day? Where do you think it goes? What do you think it does?

I'll tell you... it comes round to my place, digs up the flowers and poos all over my veg. Then it climbs in through an open window, explores my house (leaving paw prints all over the kitchen) and settles down to spend the rest of the day sleeping on my sofa. If that's all it's going to do all day, buy a litter tray so it can do it in the comfort of its own home - and you can clean up after it.