Thank goodness that's over. I know it's for a good cause and everything - but the annual Children in Need auction for things money can't buy is... well, dull actually.
Oh, the "lots" on offer were fantastic - a makeover from Gok Wan, a walk-on part in Marple, a piano lesson from Jamie Cullum, etc. And the auction raised hundreds of thousands for charity. But why does it always have to go on for so long? Despite Terry Wogan's best efforts, it's never going to be great radio. A bit like juggling, or mime.
And why do people bother putting in bids for £1,000 at the beginning of the auction, when it's obvious that a two-week cruise and cooking lessons with celeb chef Marco Pierre White is going to raise 20 times that amount? If you've got £20,000 to spend, why not wait until nearer the end before lodging your bid? And if you haven't got that kind of cash - don't bother bidding at all.
The organisers should set a starting price for each lot, then ask people to start bidding. "We've got an invitation for two people to go to Neil Diamond's Christmas party in his home. The starting price is £30,000. Phone now." Then, after ten minutes, accept the highest bid.
Cut out all the desperate fake excitement, play us some tunes and give us the usual witty banter. And you still rake in loads of cash for charity. Chris Evans, please note.
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